Despite how ridiculous the name Party Line to D sounded, the ritual itself was far more serious and involved than the single-person iteration. The biggest difference was the lack of sex. Not that there was nothing lewd about the ritual, just that unlike Speak to the D, there was no sex during the act. Instead, all of the sexual stuff happened before the spell was cast, as a sort of prep work.
Circles had to be drawn in a spiral pattern, similar to Eir’s Lustful Sacrament, one for each of the participants. That equated to four, though one circle was left empty for the first casting of the new ritual since Eir was one of the targets as well as the caster. The lewd parts of the ritual mostly came from the ingredients for the circle. Eir’s sexual fluids had to be gathered and used in the mixing of a paste that consisted of several uncommon alchemical ingredients, including the seed of an avatar race. Notably, the ritual didn’t require Jadis’ seed, or Nephilim cum specifically, just an adequate amount from an avatar race. Considering the volume required, Jadis was pretty sure she was the only one who could provide the supply in a single go. Maybe Alex could as well, but anyone else would likely require multiple days of “milking” visits, maybe even weeks.
Once the paste had been mixed into melted beeswax and the circles had been drawn, the participants had to kneel in prayer inside of the circles. Of course, they also had to be naked, which surprised no one. Painting Destarious’ holy symbol on their foreheads and chests was a little less expected, but not onerous, either. When Eir began to pray, the other two participants had to repeat her words without misspeaking, which meant some practice had to be done beforehand to ensure there wouldn’t be any mistakes. Overall, while time consuming, it wasn’t a terribly hard ritual. A lot less fun than Speak to the D, in Jadis’ opinion, but entirely manageable.
The real fun would come from introducing Eir and Alex to the gods.
Jadis’ vision swam as the disorientation that came from her soul traveling to D’s realm washed over her. It took her a moment to realign her senses and process where she was, but when she did after a few confusing moments, surprise struck her. Of all the places she had expected for them to appear, D’s living room was not one of them.
Considering the last few times Jadis had visited her patron god’s holy realm, she had expected some kind of weird replica of an Earth environment. Maybe something from a movie, or a popular book. At the very least, she figured D would make them walk down his neighborhood street to get to his house. Getting brought to his platonic ideal of a non-descript living room was, frankly, the weirdest outcome she could have guessed.
Looking around her, Jadis searched for the two lovers who had come with her. Both Eir and Alex had been chosen to visit D and ask the three questions with Jadis, though the two had come for very different reasons. Eir had come because Jadis wanted her to get to see Lyssandria. Since the Goddess of Art and Beauty had been present at almost every other ritual meeting, Jadis hoped she would be around again. Meeting her goddess in person would fulfill one of Eir’s lifelong dreams. Alex, on the other hand, had joined them because one of the questions was really her question, and Jadis figured it would be best if the Demon asked D directly, in her own words.
Jadis spotted both immediately, since they were sitting on either side of her on a large, perfectly comfortable imaginary couch. Their appearances were not what she had expected, however. Eir was… fuzzy. Not unidentifiable, but strangely nebulous compared to how she normally looked. Her red form was mostly the same as it had been, though she lacked definition, and was partially see-through, allowing Jadis to view tendrils of purple energy running through her body. In fact, Eir’s soul form was strikingly similar to the magic aura that she exuded when Jadis looked at her through Succubus eyes. There just wasn’t any flesh to go with the magic.
Alex, too, looked different from normal. She was more defined, yet somehow in a less recognizable way. The roiling neon-blue of her soul wasn’t humanoid, but was instead the more typical starfish shape of a Demon. Only, Alex’s soul was nearly the same size as Jadis, with long tentacles that matched the great lengths of her large, ambulatory tentacles she used with her mortal body.
Neither Alex nor Eir had eyes, or faces really, but as Jay looked between them, she could tell that they were looking at her, and she could sense their surprise.
“Jadis…” Eir began, her voice sounding no different than if she were speaking on Oros. “You… you’re so… beautiful…”
Considering what she looked like normally, Jadis was used to getting compliments. She was an insanely hot Nephilim, after all. Still, she figured Eir would be used to her appearance by that point in their relationship. Looking down at herself, all she saw was her normal body, albeit a little more glowy. And still naked, for some reason. That was weird.
Looking back over at Alex, Jadis saw that her demonic lover was just as lost as Eir was, her attention solely on the Nephilim soul beside her. Alex didn’t even try to talk, just gazing in adoration.
“Okay, remember not to ask any questions except the three that we have planned,” Jadis said, not sure what else to say as her two lovers continued to ogle her soul. “D might answer unintended questions and count them against us.”
“I might do just that,” D’s nondescript voice came from behind them. “I let you get away with one last time, you know.”
Coming from around the back of the couch that they were sitting on, the Mad God Destarious walked with purpose, head down as he studied what looked like a handheld computer tablet. He was completely indescribable thanks to his purely conceptual form, though Jadis knew that he was exuding the impression of being well-dressed, even if she couldn’t point to any one specific part of him or what he was or was not wearing. Without looking up from whatever he was viewing on his off-brand tablet, D used one hand to somehow scoop Alex up and place her in Jadis’ lap. The act was strange, since he didn’t seem to be anywhere near big enough to do something like moving a large tentacle Demon, yet somehow, he did. A moment later, he did the same to Eir, placing the confused elf in Jadis’ lap, forcing Alex to wrap her soul tentacles around her to make room.
“Hey, that’s—”
Jadis cut her own exclamation off, unsure of how to explain her confusion with D’s actions without asking what the fuck he was on about and wasting one of the precious questions. Instead, she just wrapped her arms around Eir and Alex, holding them close as in the next moment, D plopped down on the fictitious couch to her left, where Eir had been sitting a moment before. Tossing his tablet away to clatter onto the non-existent floorboards, D placed his right hand on Jadis’ shoulder while looking straight ahead at the blank wall before them.
“Now, whatever you do,” D said in an oddly calm tone, “Stay exactly where you are and don’t break contact with me.”
“Wha…” Jadis almost wasted a question right then and there, she was so utterly baffled by the god’s behavior.
Then the wall exploded.
Jadis screamed. At least, she was pretty sure she screamed. It was hard to tell, as the howling of the ultimate unending void of nothingness roared around them, utterly obliterating the very existence of D’s living room. The endless depths of incomprehensible emptiness crushed the Mad God’s world, removing even the barest scrap of being. Except for the couch. That stayed completely comfortable under Jadis’ butt.
It really was a very nice couch.
As she held tightly onto the souls of her two lovers, who in turn were clinging to her for all they were worth, Jadis saw… Him. Samleos. The God of Death. He did not move towards them. He didn’t have to. His form filled the sky and beyond. The nothingness around them was Samleos, his tendrils of corruption forming the world beneath them while his eyes were the countless stars above. One eye, a lidless, colorless, horrible thing, moved like the sun overhead, only it was growing larger with each passing second. Or rather, they were being pulled towards His inevitability.
Fear, true fear, gripped Jadis’ soul. She had no means by which she could fight back against something like Samleos. He was too much. He was… a God. All she could do was hold onto Alex and Eir. And pray.
Before the inky depths of Samleos’ eye could swallow them whole, a golden light appeared between them and the Endless Void. It started out small, but faster than Jadis could comprehend it grew to an immeasurable size, the brilliant aura surrounding them all. As blindingly bright as the light was, Jadis could still see the shining armored figure who stood as the source of that golden light.
Valtar, the God of Order, stood between them and Samleos. Only, it was not the Valtar Jadis had met before. This was not the bearded man in a well-tailored suit who blushed at his wife’s attentions. Nor was this the massive, armored figure who sat upon a throne in marbled halls. No, this was Valtar, the All Father, the God of Order. The beacon of power that he exuded was unlike anything Jadis had ever seen before or could even hope to describe. All she knew was that a true source of Life had placed himself between them and Samleos, and she couldn’t be more thankful.
“You risk breaking the Covenant, Samleos,” a voice like a thousand temple bells rang out through the void. “Cease.”
Jadis could feel both Alex and Eir trembling in her arms as she enveloped them in a protective hug. She might have been shaking too, for all she knew. The power in Valtar’s words alone was devastating. And yet, despite all of the unbendable strength on display, Samleos was not cowed.
A visible wave of darkness crashed against Valtar’s light. The void washed over them all, tearing into the protection Valtar offered. Jadis could see pieces of divine power flaking away from the two gods, mountains shed like leaves in a gale. A thunder that she could feel rather than hear shook the foundations of their souls, drowning out any screams that Jadis, Eir, or Alex might have let escape in their panic. And through it all, D laughed in unadulterated delight.
Then, just as suddenly, there was peace. No thunder crushing them into nothingness, no deific power shredding their souls to pieces. The contest of will between Valtar and Samleos had not ceased. Jadis could still see the two unimaginably colossal figures before her, power licked against each other. But the negative effects of their aura no longer touched them.
“Have some tea, dear,” a kindly, older woman’s voice suggested.
Looking to her right, Jadis saw an old lady wearing a simple peasant’s dress with a flowery apron sitting on the couch next to her.
“Ulya,” Jadis managed to croak out, accepting the teacup that the Goddess of Hearth and Home offered her. “Thank you.”
“No trouble dear,” the gray-haired matron smiled while pouring a second cup. As her gaze slid to the side, she tutted with a disappointed scowl. “Such abhorrent behavior to display in front of guests.”
“Spoilsport,” D grumbled from where he sat on Jadis’ left, his hand still firmly holding her shoulder.
“Do not cause more trouble,” a younger, almost sultry female voice chided the Mad God. “Let your father settle this matter.”
“Stepfather…”
Jadis felt a large set of arms embrace her from behind. She didn’t need to see a face to know who they belonged to. Lyssandria, Goddess of Love, wrapped all of them in a warm hug as her long, soft hair cascaded around them. Her size must have been gigantic to encompass them all, including D and Ulya, and Jadis watched as Lyssandria’s hands folded on top of each other, protectively covering Eir and Alex who were still sitting in Jadis’ lap. Despite not having a face at the moment, Jadis could see Eir’s eyes popping out of her nonexistent skull as she stared at the unbelievably perfect hands of her goddess currently embracing her.
“Are we—” Jadis started, then stopped for a second to rephrase. “This doesn’t seem like a safe place to be.”
The furious storm of divine power that was still raging between Valtar and Samleos did not look like it was going to end. While they were seemingly protected by Lyssandria and Ulya, Jadis couldn’t help but think about the overwhelming force that had just clawed at her soul. She didn’t want her lovers to be anywhere near what was happening between the two gods for a moment longer. If she could, she would have ended the ritual right then and there. However, other than asking the requisite three questions and receiving D’s answers, she had no idea how to leave the realm of the gods.
As if in answer to her uncertain statement, further presences entered Jadis’ awareness. She couldn’t see them; not the way she could see Ulya or Valtar, but she could sense the power of more deities nearby. One she knew by the earthy tone it exuded. Villthyrial rested somewhere below, a solid force of nature that was unbothered by the storm raging between the light and the void. The other deific presences were unfamiliar, yet Jadis could guess at their identities. While she couldn’t see it, a wind blew around them, encircling the boundless void like the rising tide. From behind, she felt the warmth of a forge, its fires as unceasing as the force of industry. Above, she sensed the cool light of the moon hanging overhead, patiently observing with detached curiosity.
A final presence revealed itself along with the rest, though it was not content to stay in the background.
With a bellowing roar that shook the couch they were sitting on even despite Lyssandria and Ulya’s protections, a colossal figure wearing black and red armor crashed into existence next to Valtar. The god’s entrance tore the fabric of reality into pieces, explosively sundering the God of the Void’s aura with crimson lightning that stretched for light years. When the violent god spoke, his voice was the growl of countless warriors itching for an excuse to fight.
“Even if you are deluded enough to think that you can best my father in battle, do you think you have a chance against us both!?”
Glancing down at D, Jadis opened her mouth.
“Yes, that is my half-brother,” the faceless god replied testily before she could say anything. “No, we don’t have much in common. Just stay quiet for a minute, will you?”
Jadis shut her mouth.
While the God of Death continued to glower with his infinite eyes, Jadis sensed that the storm of power that was crashing between Valtar and Samleos was slackening. After a few more moments, the devastating contest of godly will faded away completely. At the same time, the Death God’s presence fell back, giving D’s realm the room it needed to reassert itself as the walls of his living room reformed around them. As the space went back to the non-descript form that it usually presented as, Jadis sensed the rest of the gods withdrawing as well. As Valtar’s light faded, so too did the auras of the rest of the Nine, until it was just D sitting on the couch, his hand still on Jadis’ shoulder, and Lyssandria’s arms wrapped around them all.
Those perfectly sculpted arms shifted and moved, shrinking down to a more reasonable size as Lyssandria’s perfect heart-stopping face came into view. Giving both Jadis and Alex a glorious smile, the goddess leaned close to Eir, who was sitting frozen like a statue.
“Let’s have a chat next time, beloved,” Lyssandria said before placing a kiss on Eir’s forehead. “We have a lot to talk about.”
If Eir had been flesh and blood at that moment, Jadis was pretty sure she would have fainted.
Then, Lyssandria faded away, her presence disappearing entirely. For a moment, the four of them were alone in the representation of a living room. It was Jadis, Alex, Eir, and D. And also, the teacups that had appeared in their hands and tentacles, at some point.
Then another wall exploded.
This time, it wasn’t quite the reality-shattering experience that the first instance had been. It was more akin to a semi-truck being driven into the side of a building. Half the wall on the left side of the room had been destroyed, and the conceptual ideal of a dust cloud had been kicked up along with imaginary debris. From the huge hole that had just been created in D’s home came a huge, black-furred Valbjorn wearing black and red armor. The man had to be ten feet tall if he was an inch, and his beastly head sported massive fangs that looked vicious enough to tear dragons into pieces.
Striding two steps closer to their couch, and putting his huge boot through the idea of a coffee table on the way, the gigantic beast of a man raised his bulky right arm and shoved a clawed finger in Jadis’ face, almost touching her nose.
“You!” Charos, the God of War, barked at her. “Keep your hands off of her. She’s mine, understand?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Jadis realized a second after her shocked exclamation what she had done. Slapping her hand over her mouth, she slowly turned her gaze to look down at D.
The God of Madness gazed back at her, a shit-eating grin on his featureless face.
“Well, Charos here doesn’t like that you—”
“Shut up, cur!” the massive War God shouted at D. “Her question was directed at me and does not count for your petty ritual!”
“She asked the question during our visit together,” D sneered at his half-brother. “I can count it if I want to.”
“You do so only to upset me!” Charos snapped as he poked his huge claws into D’s chest. “You never enforce such rules upon her when Mother is around!”
“I like mother more than you. And she likes me more than she does you. So why don’t you go back to fondling daddy’s balls some more and leave me to my guests.”
“You insolent little snot bag! I’ll rip off your head and shit down your neck, you craven rat!”
“I’d love to see you try, you overgrown dingleberry.”
“Name the time and place, puke stain!”
A subtle rumble shook the room, silencing the deific siblings. Glancing up at the ceiling for a second, Charos curled his lip at D, who stuck out his non-existent tongue at the other god. Snorting, the huge bear man pointing at Jadis for a second time.
“I’m watching you, whelp.”
With that parting statement, the God of War stomped back out of the hole he had made in D’s living room wall.
Letting out a satisfied sigh, Destarious got to his feet while stretching his arms overhead. Patting imaginary dust off of himself, he walked over the destroyed remains of his coffee table before sitting down on absolutely nothing. As his form came to a rest, an armchair that could not exist appeared beneath him. In the same instance, the broken coffee table was suddenly whole again, as was the wall Charos had destroyed. There wasn’t even any kind of movement or flare. What was, simply was again.
“Alright, alright,” D started as he slapped his knees. “I suppose I’ll forgive that one stupid question since you did help me get brother dearest in trouble with daddy at the end there. That’s worth a little lenience, I suppose. But that’s the extent of my patience today, I’ll tell you for free. Ask your questions.”
There was another moment of silence as the three of them stared at the Mad God.
“Oh, and before I forget,” D pointed at Alex. “Great job breaking the mold, babe. I’ve always been a fan of a rebel going against the system.”
“Thank you…” the Demon responded quietly, no less confused than Jadis or Eir were.
“S’alright,” D waved one hand.
Silently taking everything she had just witnessed and locking it away somewhere in the back of her mind, Jadis decided that it was best for her sanity if she just focused on the questions she needed to ask. She would have to discuss the events with everyone else later. After everything they had just gone through, Jadis wanted to get the ritual over with. She was, frankly, exhausted.
“Where should I go to start my hunt for the Playwright?”
Jadis knew that the leader of the cultists likely wasn’t in Kastoria anymore. It had been three weeks since the battle in Glanum, so the man had had plenty of time to flee elsewhere. Jadis felt committed to taking the overrun city back from the Demons, but she still wanted to hunt down the Playwright as well. Thus, she and the others had crafted a question that was purposefully somewhat vague that should still help them track the sneaky bastard. If they asked a question that was too specific, D would probably give them equally specific information that wouldn’t be of any help, like “you can find him in his bedroom right now.” So, by asking for a place to start and nothing more, Jadis hoped she would get some info that would be of genuine aid to her and her companions.
Jadis’ hopes were dashed by D’s matter-of-fact response.
“You shouldn’t start hunting the Playwright at all.”
What was that supposed to mean? It wasn’t even a direct answer to her question, just a piece of advice that she had no interest in taking. Jadis almost asked for clarification but resisted. The second question was reserved for Alex, and the third was for Emperor Somerulf. She wouldn’t rob them of their chances, just because D was apparently going to be a dick that day.
“Okay…” Jadis huffed in frustration. “Alex, you go next.”
Shifting slightly, Alex stirred where she was in Jadis’ lap, her tentacles moving as she focused on her own question.
Except, Alex didn’t ask the question she was supposed to ask.
“Why… Shouldn’t Jadis… Hunt the Playwright…?”
Jadis looked down sharply at her demonic lover. Alex had asked for the clarification that she herself had wanted. That was wrong, though. Alex was supposed to ask D for advice on how to integrate Demons into regular society. While they all felt like they were doing the best that they could, perhaps even better than could be expected, it wasn’t only Jadis who harbored worries about where their attempt at Demon reformation was going. Even if most of the Demons remained non-hostile, it wasn’t just them that were a potential source of issues. There were many who were far from eager to accept Demons among them, and Jadis couldn’t even blame them for holding that position.
It wasn’t like they didn’t have literally thousands of years of history to point to, after all.
“Because,” D grinned at the Demon. “The Playwright isn’t the threat she needs to worry about anymore.”
Of course. D’s idea of clarification just created more questions. He really was such a dick.
“Thanks, Alex,” Jadis said, kissing Alex on the… head? It was hard to tell in her current form. “You didn’t have to do that. We’ll figure out what he means by that soon, I’m sure.”
Originally, Jadis was going to let Eir ask the final question on behalf of the emperor. She was technically D’s oracle, after all, so she deserved a chance to ask the god a question, even if it wasn’t her own. However, since she was still looking pretty stunned, Jadis prepared to ask the question herself. Before she could, however, the elven saint sat up straighter as her soul glowed even brighter for a moment.
“Which of Emperor Somerulf’s two sons would you rather be the next emperor of the Alfhilderunn Empire?”
“Oh, of course he would ask that,” D slouched in his seat, somehow exuding the feeling of eyes rolling without actually having any eyes. “He knows he can’t ask Valtar because Mr. Law and Order wouldn’t want to interfere with mortal affairs like that. But me? Oh, sure, the crazy guy with the stunning good looks, yeah, he’ll just go right ahead and give an answer, won’t he! But the real question is, would the son I want to be on the throne be the one who would truly be good for the empire? And is the decrepit old elf betting on me picking the one who will do the most harm so he can use that as a reason to pick the other one? Or am I the sort of God who would know what he is thinking I’ll do, so I pick the opposite of what he thinks I’ll do just to fuck with him? And does he know that I know that he knows, so he’s going to pick the one that I pick because he thinks that will be the right son?”
“Somerulf said that he doesn’t want to know the answer,” Jadis stated dryly in response to the god’s confusing ramblings. “He just wanted me to ask the question so I can know what you want so it helps me help the two idiots resolve their differences, make peace, and work together for the betterment of the empire.”
“Oh.”
D’s head fell back against the colorless cushion of his armchair.
“If that’s the case, tell Hraustrekr I want Kestil on the throne, and tell Kestil I want Hraustrekr on the throne.”
“That sounds like a terrible idea,” Jadis deadpanned.
“Well, it does to you, because you suck at politics.”
“I agree, that sounds like a very poor plan,” Eir murmured. “Ah, I… uh, no offense… My Lord Destarious…?”
“Ugh, do whatever you want,” D snapped as he waved a hand at them. “What do I know? I’m just a god after all. Now, get out of my house. I have better things to do today than babysit a trio of lost souls. There’s an anime convention starting soon in Tokyo and I still need to pick out my cosplay.”
At D’s dismissal, the three of them began to fade out of the deity’s plane of existence. Before her vision had quite turned black, Eir turned around so she could look up and ask Jadis a question.
“Is he always like this?”
“Yes.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“He is… Sort of funny…”
“Please don’t encourage him.”
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