Anger.
Anger. Anger. Anger.
Alex did not know other words for the feeling inside her. One word was enough. Anger. She felt anger as large and wide and deep and strong as her love for Jadis. It was because of her love for Jadis that she felt such terrible anger. It was because of her love for Jadis that she pushed the anger away.
The Urge loved the anger.
The Urge told her to act on the anger. Kill those who had hurt Jadis. Rip and tear their weak flesh. Destroy those who would imprison her, keep her from her love. Crush the metal that bound her. Crush the people who guarded her. Break their shells and bones and let them hurt.
Make them hurt.
Hurt them.
Yes.
No.
No, Alex would not do what the Urge wanted her to do. Alex knew the Urge wanted to mislead her. It wanted to turn her into the same stupid and weak Demons that Jadis and the others killed. It wanted the others dead. It wanted even Jadis dead. She would not listen. Stupid Urge. It could not understand. Alex would never do what it wanted.
Never.
Alex had to wait. She was patient. She could wait for as long as she had to. Silent and watching. Jadis was strong. Jadis would come for her. Alex needed no others. Only Jadis.
The little one was nice, though.
Sorcha. That was the word for the small green one that tasted of plants and stone. Sorcha sat with her in the dark, next to her cold metal place. Sorcha tasted of fear. But she stayed. She talked. She answered questions. She did not have to, but she still stayed with Alex.
Maybe she did have to.
Jadis had told the Sorcha to stay with Alex when she had left her in the warm place that tasted of Jadis and her others. Jadis had told Alex to stay, so she had stayed. Jadis had told Sorcha to watch Alex, so she watched Alex. Sorcha was smart. She knew it was best to listen to Jadis. So Sorcha still followed Jadis and watched Alex, even though it had been a long, long time since Jadis had left.
Maybe Alex should not have listened to Jadis.
When Aila had come back, she had tasted of fear and sadness. Aila had told Alex that Jadis was sick. Sick was not a word that Alex knew, but Aila was smart. She had explained almost as well as Jadis, so she knew then what the word sick tasted like. A bad word that tasted of vile injury. A word that should not ever belong to Jadis. Jadis had been sick before, when her skin had been burnt like the flesh that the others ate. Eir and the others had fixed Jadis then. But Jadis was sick and Aila and Eir and the others did not know how to make Jadis better. Alex had tasted their confusion. Fear. Sadness.
Would Jadis be sick if Alex had not listened to Jadis?
Alex had wanted to follow. Her own urge had been to follow and protect. To not be parted from Jadis. She had known Jadis was fighting. She had tasted the anger and excitement that Jadis exuded whenever she wanted to fight. But Jadis had not wanted her to follow and had told her to wait. Alex had agreed because Jadis had asked her to.
Now Alex did not think she should have listened to Jadis. She should have gone with her. She could have protected her. Alex was strong. The strong ones in the huge place that tasted of many had all agreed. Her “Status Sheet” was strong. Alex was powerful. She could have protected Jadis and she never would have become sick.
But Alex had been good. She had listened to Jadis and waited. She waited like a good Demon.
And like a good Demon, Alex had listened to Aila and Eir and the others when they had told her to be patient. She had listened to the others when they had told her to go into the cold metal place. She had waited when the others had told her to wait, even though she could have destroyed the cold metal place. She could still destroy the cold metal place.
Maybe she should not always be such a good Demon…
“Okay Alex,” Sorcha said as she held up a piece of paper. “What’s this called?”
“Paper…” Alex answered, her voice low and listless.
Sorcha tilted her head and made a face. Her eyes were big. They told Alex many things. They told her now that Sorcha was not pleased with her answer. Frustration. Disappointment.
“Alex, you know what I mean,” Sorcha said with her small and strange voice.
Alex did know what Sorcha meant. She was not asking what the paper was. She was asking what the ink that she had stuck onto the paper was meant to represent. It was like the letter blocks that Jadis had taught her, but different. The letter A was always the letter A and never changed. It was always those same lines in the same shape. But the things that Sorcha made were not always the same. And they could mean many different words.
Drawing. Animal. Beast. Small. Fluffy. Cat.
So many words.
And a different paper with different ink could mean the same words even though they looked nothing alike.
The paper confused Alex.
But Alex was learning. The others did not think as she did. They saw two things that were not the same as being close, so close was close enough. They were not as smart as Alex. They could not repeat the same shapes in the same exact way. That was their flaw. Once Alex understood that flaw, she found it was easier to see what they were trying to mean.
Alex could see the drawing on the paper Sorcha held up and even though it was not close at all to what she was trying to mean, Alex understood now what Sorcha meant. It was not that hard. But Alex was tired of the paper and ink that Sorcha showed her. Alex did not want to answer.
Alex wanted Jadis.
“C’mon now,” Sorcha prompted. “I know you can do it. You’re way smarter than that bitch you killed ever was, so use that big brain and tell me what this is!”
Alex curled, her limbs twisting tight around her body before relaxing and going limp. Sorcha was kind. She was trying to keep Alex company. She still tasted of fear. But her taste was better than the disgust of the ones who stood in the room watching. Their shells were cold and metal, like the metal place Alex was told to wait inside of. They did not speak words to her. They did not show her papers. They were as cold as the metal. Alex did not want to be alone with them.
The Urge told her to do terrible things when she was alone with them.
Anger.
Loneliness.
Alex lifted her head and looked at the paper again.
“Fish…”
“Yes! Good job!” Sorcha praised Alex. “You’re really getting the hang of this stuff.”
Alex felt bits and pieces of her insides clench when Sorcha praised her. It made her think of Jadis. Jadis had praised her many times. Sorcha was nice, but her praise was not Jadis.
“Okay, let’s try this one now,” the small green one said, holding up another paper. “This might be tricky, but I think you can do this one.”
Alex looked at the paper and the ink splattered across it that was meant to represent the Dryad, Tegwyn. She opened her mouth to answer, but froze in the action.
Alex could taste Jadis.
Jadis was in the air. Not weak, but strong. Close. Alex could taste her sweetness. There was no sickness. Only sweet. Then, Alex felt the familiar weight of Jadis’s step. The vibration of her presence. The sound of her voice.
Sorcha heard Jadis too, then, as she looked towards the door that led away from the dark place they were inside of. Alex pressed herself up against the holes of the cold metal place she was waiting inside. Her hands and tentacles gripped the metal hard. She waited.
Then.
Jadis was there.
“Alex!”
Happiness. Desire. Longing. Need. Joy.
Love.
Jadis had come for her.
Alex knew she would.
There were others with Jadis. The small flame with great power was there. Her word was Vita. The blue one with red eyes was also there. Magistrate Vraekae, Alex knew her word, too. They were speaking words to Jadis and Jadis was speaking angry words back to them, but Alex did not care. Jadis was here. That was all Alex needed.
She knew she should say words. To call out. But Alex could not think of any words. None were right. None were strong enough. None tasted with the depth and complexity of what she felt in that moment. Alex needed Jadis to know the whole of what she felt. Word noises were not enough.
Alex released her own taste into the air. She curled and displayed herself. She glowed for Jadis. She needed to touch her, to touch and be touched so that Jadis could know. She had to know.
“I don’t care what that fucker wants,” Jadis was speaking. Her tone was angry. “She’s not staying in that cage! I want her out, now!”
“The situation is complicated, Jadis,” the Magistrate Vraekae spoke her quiet words. “The political implications of everything that has happened is already going to be a tangled mess to deal with as is. Some compromises are necessary to maintain the peace, at least temporarily.”
“Fuck that,” Jadis spoke, repeating her words that Alex knew did not mean sex, but instead meant anger. Confusing. “They didn’t exactly go out of their way to ‘compromise’ with me, did they? I’m sure as shit not going to let one of my friends be crammed into a hole for a minute longer just for their sakes. Alex is getting out of that metal box. Now.”
Jadis was not speaking to Alex. But Alex understood enough of what Jadis was saying to the blue one with red eyes. Jadis wanted Alex out of the cold metal place. Maybe to hold her. Maybe more.
Please more.
Alex did not have to wait for the blue one. She could get out herself.
Carefully, so that Sorcha would not be hurt, Alex used one of her tentacles to push the small green one out of the way. Sorcha made a tiny, high-pitched noise, like the kind that Sabina made when Jadis would have sex with her. Maybe Sorcha thought that Alex was trying to have sex with her? Strange.
Once Sorcha was out of the way, Alex called up the power within her. She used her magic to strike at the cold metal with her larger, more powerful hands. The sound the metal made was loud and painful. It hurt Alex’s senses. But that was fine. The sound was temporary. Jadis was forever.
Jadis and Vita and Magistrate Vraekae stared at Alex as she broke the cold metal. She peeled it open, making a hole wide enough for her body. Then Alex slipped through and into the open air. The angry ones wearing metal shells moved towards her with weapons, but they did not come near. They did not dare. Jadis was too powerful for such weak people.
“Well. I would say that Alex has her own thoughts concerning her confinement,” Vita spoke words, her sounds odd but pleasant. “One might wonder if she was ever contained to begin with.”
“That bloody fucking bitch is dead as a coatrack and she is still finding ways to scare the ever-loving shit out of me from beyond the abyss,” Sorcha spoke, her words still tasting of fear.
“So be it,” Vraekae spoke, her tones colored by a sigh. “Keep her with you at all times. We cannot afford any more fights, especially not aboard this ship. I will toss you all overboard before I let you destroy this vessel.”
“Don’t worry,” Jadis spoke her kind words. “I’m not interested in having any fights right now. Just, uh, let me take her back to our cabin before she does something embarrassing.”
Alex did not care what they were saying. She had wrapped her arms and tentacles around Jadis and was holding her tight. Yes, this was only one of Jadis, but that was fine. Easier to wrap herself around one Jadis. Now Jadis could feel her love. Alex knew she could.
Jadis had wrapped her arms around Alex.
Alex closed her eyes and basked in the wonderful sensation. She had gone too long without Jadis’ touch. She would never go so long again. As Jadis carried Alex away from the dark place and the cold metal, Alex made a promise to Jadis. And to herself. She would not let Jadis go unprotected again. She would always protect Jadis.
Even if she had to disobey Jadis.
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